The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! On Tuesday, Sept. 19, around noon, students may have heard the familiar sound of sirens floating across campus. If one was close enough they would have noticed that the trucks congregated around the Hope College Dow Center, three trucks to be…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! After weeks of arguments about who shall be the new Speaker of the House, Congress finally elected Mike Johnson, (R-LA). For his first course of action, he has decided to fix a very pressing issue, American geography. The bill swiftly passed…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Author: The Academy of Flavor Studies Students at Hope College know many things, but one thing that everyone knows and can agree upon is the significance and importance of Phelps’ new edition of Tractor Juice. The beloved drink option only has…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! This Halloweekend was one for the history books! In the late hours of Oct. 28, Hope College’s entire squirrel population gathered in the Pine Grove for what appeared to be a Halloween party. “I thought it was some kind of Halloween…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! (Buster wants you to know that academic dishonesty is not a victimless crime…) (Photo Credit: studiotrapeza / Getty Images) It seemed like just another day for Hope College sophomore Caughton D’Act. At 9:30 a.m., he showed up for his Psychology Research…
Author: Aurelius Herfst *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! ‘Twas the Night ‘fore Halloweekend, and all through Hope’s campusAll the students were planning the rampage ahead themSome girls were on Amazon ordering last-minute dressesIn hopes the delivery would be just a bit faster The Frat boys were…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Ever since the new Anchor Plan was created, it is all that professors, advisors and faculty have been able to talk about. For the past year or so, the registrar’s office has been working to improve and change the Hope College…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Have you ever been in Phelps Dining Hall During community hour and thought to yourself: surely there’s a better way! Do you go to Chapel and ask the Lord, “Please let there be a place for me to sit. Please let…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! On March 3, 2023 the entire campus gathered around Gilmore Hall as firefighters rushed to the scene while smoke left the building and encircled the windows, continuing to hang in the Hope College campus air. Fortunately, no one was harmed from…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Spring is on the horizon, and the end of the semester is in sight. With that knowledge comes a lot of uncertainty, especially concerning student housing. Underclassmen at Hope College eagerly await the annual housing draw, hoping that their uncertainty will…