The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Since its conception, Hope College has lived near the beautiful, clean, crystalline waters of Lake Macatawa. Known for its beautiful hues of blue and green, the lake is a frequent stop for college students in need of a clarifying swim at…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! With graduation around the corner, campus has been buzzing with predictions on who this year’s commencement speaker will be. Well students, look no further – the Anchor is breaking the exclusive announcement. We are proud to announce that this year’s 2025…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! “Whether you’re just beginning your undergraduate experience or about to head off for new adventures, the Boerigter Center for Calling and Career supports you in the next steps of your career development journey.” Is a quote direct from the Boerigter Center’s…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! This Fall, the campus welcomed the long awaited 4,500 square foot addition to the DeWitt Student Center – the Jim & Eileen Heeringa Dance Wing. Beginning back in the summer of 2023, students witnessed the evolution of the construction hole by…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Beginning late March, sightings of a monkey-like, agile creature have been spotted on campus. Appearing in dorm rooms, Cook’s courtyard, and even in dorm showers, the animal’s presence has puzzled many. According to experts from the Illinois Zoo, the mysterious creature…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Glass shattered, furniture disheveled, feathers, feathers everywhere! The ducks, geese, and ganders are gone! It seems that the taxidermied birds on display on the third floor of the Science Center have come alive! But were they ever really dead…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! WARNING! Outbreak on the loose! Male students at Hope College have been going bald at alarmingly rapid rates. Sources have no proven reason as to why but there has been some suspicious activity from Durfee. When questioned, the people…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Hope College’s 90th Nykerk took place on Saturday, Oct, 26th. Odd year took the win this year tying up the overall score to 45-45 wins. Both even and odd years have different traditions making them unique, but one thing…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! We’ve all seen it: The President’s House. The majestic structure that looms over campus, its windows glimmering with the promise of leadership, and maybe, just maybe, a glimpse of Mathew Scogin engaging in some light presidential duties. But what…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The Hope College Theater Department is full of surprises this semester, from the success of The Hijabis to the Shakespearean classic Much Ado About Nothing (which will be available in November 2024). But the biggest surprise of all comes…