The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Ever since the new Anchor Plan was created, it is all that professors, advisors and faculty have been able to talk about. For the past year or so, the registrar’s office has been working to improve and change the Hope College…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Have you ever been in Phelps Dining Hall During community hour and thought to yourself: surely there’s a better way! Do you go to Chapel and ask the Lord, “Please let there be a place for me to sit. Please let…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! On March 3, 2023 the entire campus gathered around Gilmore Hall as firefighters rushed to the scene while smoke left the building and encircled the windows, continuing to hang in the Hope College campus air. Fortunately, no one was harmed from…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Spring is on the horizon, and the end of the semester is in sight. With that knowledge comes a lot of uncertainty, especially concerning student housing. Underclassmen at Hope College eagerly await the annual housing draw, hoping that their uncertainty will…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* Beginning next month, Hope College’s Anchor will move its digital publications to the popular app, Yik Yak. The move comes after a rise in the popularity of the anonymous discussion thread app and a decline in the number of email subscribers to the…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* In the process of selecting a school to continue their education, prospective students of Hope College are bombarded with the alleged benefits of attending a liberal arts institution. While these benefits are made clear, some students are still unsure what the actual liberal…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* Last month, investigative journalists at The Anchor uncovered an email sent to the Hope College president regarding the new Hope College Future WiFi update. In the email, the IT department detailed the “unfortunate situation” regarding the old system, namely, that the WiFi system…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* The recent announcement from the head of Hope College Dining Services that Chef’s Choice will no longer be serving hotdogs came as a shock to the campus community. The move is the first step in an ongoing effort to make the Hope Dining…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* New this fall: Hope College has frozen tuition prices, but increased other costs like parking and meal plans. But one increase that has caused more issues than the others is laundry machine prices. The increase from $1.50 to $2.00 has caused havoc across…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* Earlier this month, the Hope College design team released a new line of college apparel. The line promptly premiered for public purchase on the very bookstore racks many parents, alums and students peruse throughout their freetime. However, within two weeks, a particular item…