The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* In recent years, every big video platform from Instagram to Netflix has been busy launching their own version of Tiktok. This week, Moodle has done the same with their new service: Scrollerly (pronounced like Scholarly). Like Tiktok, the platform will consist of feeds…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* Most students on campus know and love Club Durf, the infamous disco dance thrown by Durfee Hall on Halloween weekend and attended mainly by agreeable freshmen in search of a frat party that wouldn’t turn them away for not knowing the difference between…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* It’s no secret that Hope College has adopted what has come to be known as “Ring by Spring” culture. For anyone out of the loop, Ring by Spring is a common phenomenon occurring on Christian college campuses where students are engaged by the…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* As we continue in a pandemic that is still very much ongoing even if we are still returning to normal and referring to it in the past tense for some reason, some alarming behavioral changes have emerged in Hope College students and faculty….
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* It has been a week since most students walked around campus with exhaustion in their eyes. Some say that they looked like koalas because of severe eye bags due to the lack of sleep as they spent so much time studying for their…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* This past fall with the reopening of campus activities and the return of the Pull and Nykerk in person, new interest has galvanized the even and odd classes of 2024 and 2025 in competition. The even year team ’24 achieved a victorious Pull…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* One of the greatest observed traditions at Hope College is The Pull. Every year students descend up the pits and watch their classmates pull and rip rope. It is a century-old tradition. Our campus is also home to a beautiful community of squirrels….
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* Every student at Hope College knows about Cook Dining Hall, and we all appreciate the additional meal options on campus. Since the beginning of this fall semester, there has been a noticeable change in the dining room. All of the small tables have…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* In an effort to secure enough workers to staff the dining hall, Phelps has opted for an unusual strategy: recruiting students who are found breaking COVID-19 policies and other school rules into forced labor. It’s a bold solution and not without risks but,…
A wave of panic has swept through the students of Hope College since the school confirmed on Tuesday that the wastewater testing program is now being used to track marijuana use on campus. Initially used for the sole purpose of tracing the presence of COVID-19, the wastewater testing program that the college put in place…