The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* Beginning next month, Hope College’s Anchor will move its digital publications to the popular app, Yik Yak. The move comes after a rise in the popularity of the anonymous discussion thread app and a decline in the number of email subscribers to the…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* In the process of selecting a school to continue their education, prospective students of Hope College are bombarded with the alleged benefits of attending a liberal arts institution. While these benefits are made clear, some students are still unsure what the actual liberal…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* Last month, investigative journalists at The Anchor uncovered an email sent to the Hope College president regarding the new Hope College Future WiFi update. In the email, the IT department detailed the “unfortunate situation” regarding the old system, namely, that the WiFi system…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* The recent announcement from the head of Hope College Dining Services that Chef’s Choice will no longer be serving hotdogs came as a shock to the campus community. The move is the first step in an ongoing effort to make the Hope Dining…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.* New this fall: Hope College has frozen tuition prices, but increased other costs like parking and meal plans. But one increase that has caused more issues than the others is laundry machine prices. The increase from $1.50 to $2.00 has caused havoc across…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* Earlier this month, the Hope College design team released a new line of college apparel. The line promptly premiered for public purchase on the very bookstore racks many parents, alums and students peruse throughout their freetime. However, within two weeks, a particular item…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* In recent years, every big video platform from Instagram to Netflix has been busy launching their own version of Tiktok. This week, Moodle has done the same with their new service: Scrollerly (pronounced like Scholarly). Like Tiktok, the platform will consist of feeds…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* Most students on campus know and love Club Durf, the infamous disco dance thrown by Durfee Hall on Halloween weekend and attended mainly by agreeable freshmen in search of a frat party that wouldn’t turn them away for not knowing the difference between…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* It’s no secret that Hope College has adopted what has come to be known as “Ring by Spring” culture. For anyone out of the loop, Ring by Spring is a common phenomenon occurring on Christian college campuses where students are engaged by the…
*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition* As we continue in a pandemic that is still very much ongoing even if we are still returning to normal and referring to it in the past tense for some reason, some alarming behavioral changes have emerged in Hope College students and faculty….