The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
A wave of panic has swept through the students of Hope College since the school confirmed on Tuesday that the wastewater testing program is now being used to track marijuana use on campus. Initially used for the sole purpose of tracing the presence of COVID-19, the wastewater testing program that the college put in place…
In light of the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, Hope College suspended its annual spring break, leaving students disappointed but understanding that such a decision was necessary in order to — as the Campus Health email so artfully put it — “#stopthespread.” The administration scheduled several Break Days® throughout the semester in order to give students a…
A shocking screenshot has been circulating around campus all week. Junior Immuna Vander Zation captured a Snapchat sent by their roommate, Corrantina Isola. in one of Haworth’s quarantine rooms, captioned “I’ve been stuck in here for THREE DAYS WITHOUT FOOD. No one is answering my phone calls or emails. Help.” Vander Zation posted the screenshot…
Last week, the college announced that students would soon be eligible for COVID-19 vaccinations administered through the school, and that students interested in receiving one would quickly receive their doses. This was widely received as a great opportunity for an accelerated return to normal, something the country and the world as a whole has been…
Throughout this COVID season it has been difficult for clubs, Student Activities Committee and Residential Life to put on events. Masks and social distancing make in-person fun a hard standard to achieve. However, this past March 19th, Dykstra Hall received the green light for a time honored tradition, Fight Night. The Anchor sat down with…
This academic term, Hope College students have had to face a bevy of unique and difficult challenges in terms of their college experience. Not only have students had to adjust to online or asynchronous classes, we’ve also had to shift our perspective on social well-being; how can we responsibly and safely hang out with the…
Professor Emily VanVlinken was letting a student tell a sad story in the middle of her Psychology 100 class for the third time that day when, as she described, “Something in me just snapped.” According to students in the class, the young woman had been going on a long and winding monologue for twelve minutes…
Last week Hope College announced an exciting development in the college’s ongoing COVID-19 mitigation strategy. A national pharmacy provider has offered to establish a vaccination clinic on Hope’s campus. While many of the details are still unknown, administration just announced guidelines outlining which students will receive the vaccine and in what order they will be…
On the night of October 16, Hope College junior Jack Soren didn’t come home. “I didn’t think much of it,” says Ryan Louder (’22), Soren’s roommate in DeGraaf Cottage. “I just thought, you know, ‘Oh, he’s spending the night at his girlfriend’s and forgot to tell me.’” However, when Soren didn’t show up at all…
The entirety of Van Vleck Hall was forced to quarantine this past Monday due to some alarming wastewater testing results. All of the girls were tested promptly, but no one came back as positive or showed any symptoms. However, on Monday evening, there was some alarming coughing and sneezing heard by the girls living on…