*This is part of The Ranchor issue of The Anchor, which is a satire edition of our student newspaper. None of this article is meant to be taken as fact.*
After years of waiting, the new Dow is finally revealed: It’s better than ever
By: Jackmerius Tacktheritrix
After many years of careful planning and many detailed considerations, Hope College is ready to reveal the masterpiece of the newest and latest high tech workout facility. Hope athletes and students alike will be able to exercise like never before. The Dow 2.0 will feature all of the best in fitness, as well as offer a wide range of classes and health related, not to mention free, perks.
Post Workout Fuel
When you’re exhausted after hard cardio drills or a big lift session, stop by Dow 2.0’s post workout fuel area. It is fully stocked with fresh fruit, protein powders and plenty of other things to supplement the body after a long workout. One drink per day is accessible as part of any student’s tuition, since students already pay plenty to cover the shop.
A Real Indoor Track
Everyone knows running is one of the most accessible forms of working out, but when the winter hits and lake effect hits even harder, access to running becomes less than ideal. Often the ice and snow make running indoors much more appealing, but treadmills are pretty tough on the body, and many runners find them to not truly mimic the kinesthetics of running. Therefore, the Dow 2.0 has incorporated a real track and field facility to cater to, not only the track and field team, but the avid runner and fitness junkies alike. The track is now available for use in indoor track meets in order to give Hope a leg up over opponents.
A Rock Climbing and Bouldering Wall
For those who want some good full body workouts that are fun, there is now an indoor wall accessible to all students. Gear is available to borrow, and classes that teach belaying techniques can be utilized to increase skills and abilities. The wall is a nice addition and hopes to bring in more people to the gym. There are plenty of routes that will rotate to offer avid climbers new challenges.
A Boxing Club
Another fun way to get fit is boxing. Not only is there an accessible room dedicated to boxing, but classes to teach technique and to show you how to get the most out of a boxing session. This center is stocked with heavy bags and plenty of gear to use in the gym, including jump ropes and speed bags. Boxing is a great way to increase endurance and the upper body, so the new addition is sure to be great.
More Squat Racks
Never skip leg day—now, you’ll never want to! With Dow 2.0, access to squat racks is easy since the gym is fully stocked with them. The weight room will feature plenty of squat racks and benches in order to allow teams and individuals to never have to wait to use good equipment.
A great full body exercise to help make you strong and give you a cardio workout is using a row machine. Dow 2.0 has plenty to utilize after recognizing how much great fitness we were missing out on. Now you can train like the real crossfit athletes! The Dow 2.0 also features other equipment that could help you punch your ticket to the Reebok Crossfit Games by having much more free weight equipment in addition to the rowing machines.
Free Fitness Classes
Some people could use some more incentive and guidance to get in the gym—now you have it! The Dow 2.0 features a full schedule of finesses classes that keep in mind the fact that you’re a college student. There are a wide variety of options from yoga to barre to spin to weight classes; there is something for everyone!
Plenty of Free Weights
Let’s make this clear. The Dow 2.0 does indeed feature plenty of free weights and plenty of space to use them. Instead of standing in front of other gym equipment, there is now a whole space dedicated to using free weights, kettlebells and whatever you need. That’s right! We’re talking about plenty of space to stand in front of a mirror and do those bicep curls.
A Bigger and Better Pool
The swim and dive team spends a lot of time at the pool, so Hope decided to give them a much better facility. Not only for the team, but for the students who want to use the pool as well. The pool will now be big enough for individuals to use while the swim team is there by having two pools. One will specifically have lanes and a diving well for the diving team and students to utilize while the swim team is in the other pool!
All Access Spa
Everyone knows the life of a college student is extremely stressful, so why not add a little relaxation to your day by visiting the new spa located in the Dow 2.0. Schedule an appointment with a masseuse, get a facial or even a mani/pedi. Look good, feel good. Locker Rooms You’ve got to have locker rooms stocked full of amenities, so Dow 2.0 is ready to service your needs. The new locker rooms have a sauna, but they also have a hot tub, steam room, cold pool, nice showers and plenty of space. You’re not going to want to leave! The locker room will be a calming area to detox after a long workout and hard day. Plus, there will actually be towels in case you want to use one. No need to use your ID for them anymore!
Virtual Reality Treadmills
That’s right folks, you asked for it, and they’ve got them! Now you can escape to tropical paradise or immerse in a deep forest with the newest running technology. These treadmills have surround sound and surround imagery to let you escape to another world. It’s just you and the open road, or trail, or beach or wherever you want to go. The world is your oyster, people! Dow 2.0 is ready to service your workout needs. So get out there and start fitnessing.