I sat down this evening to write my piece for The Anchor. After noticing a trend in my articles about being things I’m angry about, and subsequently naming my last article “Angry Adam,” I decided that my next article would be something that made me mad. But, as I sat in the office, I realized that nothing this last week fit. Sure, there were things that made me mad, but it was either not enough content to write a full article, or way too much content to still fit Amber’s article on the same page. So I decided that I would take a look at The Anchor staff and I would say all the things about these people that make me so mad.
Let’s start at the top: my coeditor. Amber Carnahan is a person who listens to music that is so loud and terrible that she can’t even hear people who are trying to talk to her (see article below). She’s also just always in the office when I’m just trying to hang out and play some games. Amber’s working and furthering our Anchor agenda.
Marty, our Ads Manager, is really taking me aback this semester. See, our old Ads Manager would take a very long time to do things and get everything moving, no offense, Jake. But here comes Marty, and he’s in and out of the office in like seven minutes, and I don’t know what that’s about. He’s too efficient; it’s sketchy.
The Campus section is something that I’m concerned about, too. Sarah Downing is that quiet girl that doesn’t say much but always has that look like she’s up to something. I’m sure she’s probably plotting some kind of Anchor downfall or coup, although I’m split on what the reason of her mutiny is. It’s definitely either because she hates everything good in the world, which I could totally see, or because she takes pleasure in watching things burn, again, something I can totally see. Then there’s
Alayna. She’s actually super new and hasn’t done anything to make me mad yet. We’ll see how long that lasts.
But how about we move on to the Features section and the editor Amanda. What the heck did Amanda do to deserve her own intern, while I’m sitting here getting my own drinks and
doing my own work? I’m the one in charge (Also Amber) but I’m slaving away while she gets a week off every so often. She’s probably out for my job, too! That’s why the intern is there; she’s preparing for her eventual overtaking. I bet she’s in on it with Sarah. She better watch out though, Audrey’s articles have been coming out pretty solid. Amanda might have to work hard before she loses her spot to the player from the bench.
How about our Webmaster Melissa, also known as Georgia. Georgia is the person who takes care of everything online. You’d think with a job that important she’d spend all day working, right? Nah. Georgia came into the office today for a combined seventy-two seconds, doing as much work as a Communications Major. I mean, there’s a chance that she’ll be in here in the following days, but I can never track what she’s actually doing. She probably hiring a hitman to kill me so she can take my job.
There’s always something interesting happening with the current Copy Editor. Emily is the returning Copy Editors from last year, while Nicole is someone that I low-key tricked into joining the staff. I guess I can’t technically be mad at Nicole yet because I need her to stay on staff as long as possible to make my life less awful. But Emily, however, I can be mad at Emily all the time. Emily is quite possibly the sassiest person that I know. However, if I had to relate her sass to another person, it would be Tim Tebow. She tries really hard to have good comebacks,
but never succeeds. Maybe she should try baseball?
Finally, there’s Mark, our Anchor advisor. Mark has texted and called me more in the last two weeks than my parents and girlfriend have in the last two months. Lobsters bond for life, and from what I’ve seen, so does Mark. Arguments that you have with Mark are more one-sided than trick coins. He is like a cat; your opinion literally means nothing to him. I don’t want to say Mark is old-fashioned, but he makes Cracker Barrel look like the future of dining. In short, when I can’t think of things that make me mad, it’ll be fine, because everyone that I’ve hired or have been stuck with from last year are for sure going to do something awful.
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