*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition*
This past fall with the reopening of campus activities and the return of the Pull and Nykerk in person, new interest has galvanized the even and odd classes of 2024 and 2025 in competition. The even year team ’24 achieved a victorious Pull on October 2nd in its 123rd Pull in Hope College’s history, while the odd year team of ’25 performed excellently this past weekend with a Nykerk Cup win.
With tensions higher than ever, students’ anger boils between both teams and traditions. There seems to be no clear winner between the classes this fall. Representatives from both years have met to mediate the fury with a third Hope College Tradition: The Shoot.
Representatives from both teams will meet in the basement of the DePree Arts Center for a sudden death throw of rock, paper, and scissors. Use of the Lizard Spock expansion is permitted and encouraged. All coaches from The Pull and Nykerk will be there and all pullers, moralers, playboys, playgirls, song girls and morale boys are mandated to participate.
Practices will be held daily from 1:00 a.m. to 3:00 a.m. and 5:00 a.m. to 8:00 a.m. on weekends — so as to not interfere with student class schedules. These practices will begin Monday, November 9 and continue for three weeks to keep the tradition of three-week training periods.
Participants are encouraged to contemplate what their opponent will throw, what their opponent will throw thinking what their opponent will throw, and what their opponent will throw, knowing that they think they know what their opponent will throw. Or throw what they think they think their opponent will know what they think they will throw what their opponent will think.
This event will be held in the Pine Grove on December 1, 2021. Spectators are encouraged to come but there will be absolutely no shouting or cheers from the audience. This event is a cell phone and noise-free zone.
Consequently, the classes of even and odd year will finally have resolution and a winner will be announced before Christmas break. Additionally, this tradition will be written into both The Pull’s and Nykerk’s official constitutions by the end of the academic year.