RANCHOR: The Mysterious life of Dutch

Despite being a key face of a college or university, mascots are often a mystery outside of the costume. Often furry, brightly colored, and overly energetic, mascots are a quintessential but often ignored factor of the college experience. “Although I am underappreciated and make few appearances besides a few key events, I get paid $3,000 a year to do the job so I do it,” says Hope’s mascot, Dutch. He didn’t choose the life, the high paying salary and lack of commitment drew him in. A day in the life of Dutch has been uncovered to reveal very little.

Although several reporters spent the day trying to get an angle on the mysterious student, the day of investigation left them with boredom and a little pity. Dutch starts his day with 7 am Intro to Communications despite this being his fourth year at Hope. On this particular day, he skips to spend a few more hours snoozing in his room located in the basement of Durfee. The room itself represents his life on the overall: aimless, disorganized, and unenthused. 

However, Dutch isn’t upset by his confused life aspirations and lack of determination to finish college in the typical four years. In his words, “I am here for the long haul and with that hefty sum from aproprations, I will be spending the next five or so years living the good life.” After his long snooze, Dutch woke up ravenous and headed straight to Phelps to use one of the 21 weekly meal swipes that his salary allows him to get. Filling up with the typical plate of powdered eggs, dry bacon, and semi-ripe fruit, Dutch is ready to feast. Over breakfast, Dutch said, “I’m not Dutch because I love Hope, I am Dutch because Hope loves me.”

The rest of the day followed suit, Dutch made it to his 12 pm Intro to Theatre class but promptly fell into a deep sleep and would not be awoken by his classmates, professor, or the reporters that tried to rouse him. At 4 pm he awoke again, this time just as ravenous. He went to the Kletz for a quick salami and ketchup sandwich before heading to DeVos for a quick pump session. His lifting schedule is interesting to say the least.  He played the Hope fight song and jumped around for thirty minutes before taking out a snickers bar as a sort of mid-workout snack. Following his “little pick-me up,” Dutch tried to play some basketball but let’s just say it looked more like a child trying to chase a ball around and falling in the process than any basketball The Anchor has ever reported on. To close out the day, Dutch headed back to Phelps this time opting for a healthier option of pizza with a side of plain kale. He said, “I like my greens plain for the discipline.” His busy day ended with 6 hours of Fortnite playing and 3 solo chapel runs. So much for the mysterious mascot, Dutch will be our confusing mascot for the next 5 to 7 years in his estimate.



'RANCHOR: The Mysterious life of Dutch' has no comments

Be the first to comment this post!

Would you like to share your thoughts?

Your email address will not be published.