*This article is part of The Ranchor, The Anchor’s biannual satire edition.*
New this fall: Hope College has frozen tuition prices, but increased other costs like parking and meal plans. But one increase that has caused more issues than the others is laundry machine prices. The increase from $1.50 to $2.00 has caused havoc across campus from dorm buildings to cottages for every student whose mom isn’t doing their laundry for them while at Hope.
Old rope from the recent Pull event has been spotted across campus being used to hang up clothes to dry in order to reduce the number of dryer cycles purchased. However, these new clotheslines have caused issues in traffic, affecting long-boarders, rollerbladers, the occasional pigeon and the entire intramural sports programs. Due to a shortage of housing, space is limited so the laundry lines have had to be hung in common areas, including the pine grove, the atrium in front of Schaap Science Center and any two trees that are less than 10.255 feet apart.
Along with the new additions of hanging laundry popping up around campus, some students have resorted to not washing their clothes as a strike aiming towards Hope administration. This has resulted in a much more potent smell emitting from each of the dorms, Durfee Hall being one of the worst culprits. Samantha Scent told us “I used to love visiting Durfee to hang out until visiting hours are over [of course] but the smell from the dirty laundry being reused is just too much. I haven’t been back to Durfee in weeks.” This issue of laundry has affected not only the overall fume emission at Hope, but also prevented the progression of a possible ring-by-spring situation.
Teachers are starting to notice and take action. Many professors have resorted to mandating masks again to try to minimize the smell during their classes. Meijer and Target have reported that they have been out of stock on Febreeze and air fresheners for the last month. When entering many buildings, especially the Dow Center, a heavy smell of body odor mixed with Febreeze’s “Spring and Renewal” lies in wait to sneak up on its victims.
Parents are thankful for the frozen tuition rates, and since laundry does not affect them, have no comment on the detriment of the whole well-being of the campus. Even President Scogin has noticed a difference in students’ demeanors around campus where students have stopped hanging out in large groups to mitigate the strength of the smell.
Currently, a petition has been drafted to reduce the laundry prices back to $1.50 per load. There are 374 signatures so far and it is being sent to Hope Administration next week. Go to lowerthelaundryathope.com to sign the petition.