Carpe diem, stop taking my time

As a senior, I have been bombarded with inquiries as to what I will be doing in seven months after I graduate, where I want to live, what I hope to do with my time, whether there is a special boy in my life, etc. Most days I feel as though I might scream because I don’t have an answer for any of those questions. I’m just trying to make it through my last bit of schooling with my sanity intact.

I could tell the freshmen to embrace the unknown and weird things about college, but I am still trying to do that myself. I could tell the sophomores to experience everything you can while you still have the chance, but that is something I struggled with. I could tell the juniors to study as much as you can before your time is up, but I can’t seem to have the attention span to do that most days. I would be a hypocrite if I gave y’all that advice. Plus, that’s what we always hear every time we go home or talk to extended family and friends, right?

All I know is that time is our frenemy. When we wish to stop time, it passes more quickly. When we wish to speed up time, it slows down. To me, time is an introverted person who shies away from attention but is constantly pushed into the lime light. In retaliation, it does the opposite of what we want. Obviously time is not a person so it does not have malicious intent towards us, but when I only have my impatient self to blame for being unhappy with where I am in life, I search to blame time. So now that I’m a senior and staring my unknown future in the face, I realize just how much I have been wishing away the days and not embracing where I am at.

I struggle with the concept of “carpe diem,” so embracing the moments I am in is undiscovered territory. I feel like I give all of my energy to this concept that doesn’t make sense to me. Mulling it over, chewing on it and waiting for time to reveal the secrets of carpe diem has left me exhausted. Instead of blaming my anxiety and depression, I blame time. Time and carpe diem.

Here is my attempt at answering the questions everyone asks: no, I don’t have a job lined up. No, I don’t know where I want to work. No, I don’t know where I want to live. And No, I don’t have a special boy in my life. That’s how it seems to be for everyone though, so I think I’m doing okay. I just have to keep reminding myself that carpe diem is not a necessity and that as long as I try to embrace everything I am experiencing, I will be just fine. Time will pass as it always does and that is okay. Everything will be okay.

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