The Ranchor is our semesterly, satire edition. Everything that is apart of this section is inaccurate, false, and written with comedic intent. The Anchor is not attempting to make any factual statements with these articles. Enjoy!
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Glass shattered, furniture disheveled, feathers, feathers everywhere! The ducks, geese, and ganders are gone! It seems that the taxidermied birds on display on the third floor of the Science Center have come alive! But were they ever really dead…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! WARNING! Outbreak on the loose! Male students at Hope College have been going bald at alarmingly rapid rates. Sources have no proven reason as to why but there has been some suspicious activity from Durfee. When questioned, the people…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Hope College’s 90th Nykerk took place on Saturday, Oct, 26th. Odd year took the win this year tying up the overall score to 45-45 wins. Both even and odd years have different traditions making them unique, but one thing…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! We’ve all seen it: The President’s House. The majestic structure that looms over campus, its windows glimmering with the promise of leadership, and maybe, just maybe, a glimpse of Mathew Scogin engaging in some light presidential duties. But what…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The Hope College Theater Department is full of surprises this semester, from the success of The Hijabis to the Shakespearean classic Much Ado About Nothing (which will be available in November 2024). But the biggest surprise of all comes…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The lack of tables and chairs in Phelps has made it difficult to get every student seated for lunch and dinner. To combat this problem, the Hope administration has decided to purchase double-decker tables, chairs, and booth benches so…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! If you have recently walked through campus and wondered: why does it smell like that? Then you are not alone. Perhaps it is a change in the wind, or maybe the squirrels are finally initiating their chemical warfare plan…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! On March 23, one of downtown Holland’s beloved businesses said farewell to the community. Originally known as JP’s, the Ferris Coffee on 55 E. Eighth St. has brewed its last cup of coffee, as the company moves to a focus on…
Photo By Nico Kazlauskas *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The dining configuration for Hope College has always been rocky. Cook’s unsteady dining hours and, most recently, its closure for the 2024-2025 school year have led to very hectic moments at Phelps, Hope’s most popular and now…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! If you’ve been paying attention to the announcements around campus, or maybe have unsuccessfully tried to snag a meal at Cook Dining Hall, you’ve probably heard the news: Cook is closed for good. The abrupt removal of the small, though, often…