Swift, where u at?

*This is part of The Ranchor issue of The Anchor, which is a satire edition of our student newspaper. None of this article is meant to be taken as fact.*

Where is she? Hiding away with her two cats planning an extravagant Christmas for her fans? Is she planning her comeback? Or is she wallowing in self-pity at the very reminder of the Kanye-Kim take down? The reason as of this moment is unexplainable. We do not know where Taylor Swift is or what she is doing. Ever since the events of this summer when Kanye West released his song “Famous,” Swift has been missing in action.

The song in question has a line that goes, “I feel like me and Taylor Swift might still have sex, Why? I made that bitch famous.” Swift, who claimed to have no knowledge of the lyrics ahead of time, took offense. And why not? It seems like the two artists have had bad blood since the 2009 VMAs. However, West’s wife, Kim Kardashian-West, released a series of videos on her Snapchat revealing a phone call between Swift and West, where West tells Swift exactly what he is going to say about her.

Interesting. Swift, what happened? Did your mind become a blank space and conveniently forget that conversation? All of a sudden Swift had fans turning their backs on the songstress–never in her wildest dreams did she think she would lose fans to Kanye, nor did she think she would get caught in a lie. Not to mention, instead of coming clean, Swift remained silent and faded into the background.

It has been three months since then and it is unusual for the serial dater to be out of the limelight for so long. So what is she doing? Is she trying to evolve her style once again in an attempt to shake it off? Is she writing music? Is she planning on making another genre jump out of pop and back into country? Or is something darker more sinister developing deep in the 26 year old?

Earlier in Oct., Kardashian-West was held at gunpoint, bound, gagged and robbed while in Paris for Fashion Week. To our knowledge, Swift was no where near Paris, but is she above hiring a squad of men to reap her revenge upon her arch-nemesis’? While Swift may not be skilled enough to compete or take down Katy Perry, Swift could have gotten away with greatest heist this year, while stunning her victim into silence. It has been 23 days since the robbery and there still has been no Insta or Tweet from Kardashian-West! Swift, what have you done to our favorite breaker of internet?

Each day that goes by without a word from Kardashian-West we are reminded of the harsh reality we are living in. Each day that goes by, Swift continues to silently gloat. We must find Swift and get her to admit to what she has done to this wife, mother, sister and cherished American icon.