The newest addition to Hope College’s campus has the campus swimming with excitement…literally! 

PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

This Fall, the campus welcomed the long awaited 4,500 square foot addition to the DeWitt Student Center – the Jim & Eileen Heeringa Dance Wing. Beginning back in the summer of 2023, students witnessed the evolution of the construction hole by hole, support beam by support beam, and panel by panel across all seasons of the year. Allegedly, some students even dangled Christmas lights and mistletoe across the support beams during December’s final exam week of 2023. They even dazzled the last night of exams with a Christmas disco celebration in the bare bones of the construction’s exterior. As the panels went up the day after, the students returned the following night, painting its exterior red in the spirit of Mr. Santa Claus himself! 

The biggest surprise came when builders added the final touch to the building — ceiling to floor windows across all sides of the building. This has allowed passersby to witness dance performances, like Dance 51, for free! Interestingly, this has increased admission rates, but it’s not because of the premier dance program. Touring students have misinterpreted these daily dance practices as daily darties on Hope’s campus! In fact, Hope College’s Admissions Team Vice President stated,“This is the most frequently asked question on our Anchor days!” 

The glass exterior has even revealed surprising sights, including faculty breaking it down on the dance floor after their long days in the classrooms and offices. Allegedly, faculty have even formed a hip-hop club as a way to reduce stress during advising week. 

Just yesterday, the campus witnessed the most surprising sight yet! At exactly 11 am of the campus’ community hour, dance students entered the studio only to find themselves immediately elevated to the ceiling as the room filled with water! Hundreds of students flooded the lawn, sidewalk, and road outside of the studio. Dancers were seen quite literally floating across the dance floor as their ballet shoes seemingly became flippers in the water. “It was the greatest performance yet! It was as if the students became goldfish!” freshman student Viktoria Vanderhoot exclaimed. “It made me reconsider changing my major to dance.” Another student noted, “Imagine if that really was a darty!” 

A Yik Yak investigation has been launched to identify the nature of the alleged ‘fishbowl crime.’ As of now, the evidence remains inconclusive, but water samples suggest a unique composition of the Dow pool and Lake Macatawa waters. Naturally, the suspected culprit has been the College’s swim team, yet their motive remains murky. Perhaps, the team is protesting the prioritization of building the dance studio instead of renovating the Dow. Others have suggested that it may have been simply an epic April Fools’ Day joke. As rumors float around campus surrounding the event, more and more students have requested adding a fish tank outside of the studio in remembrance of the surprising, splashing success!