Inflation Prices Inflame Students and Fabric Alike: An Ongoing Investigation into the Gilmore Fire

*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

On March 3, 2023 the entire campus gathered around Gilmore Hall as firefighters rushed to the scene while smoke left the building and encircled the windows, continuing to hang in the Hope College campus air. Fortunately, no one was harmed from the fire.

Freshman and Gilmore Hall resident Susie Smith recounted the scene, “I was taking a nap after a long day of classes when I was awakened by what I had originally thought was the sound of my alarm. It turns out it was actually the sound of a different type of an alarm –  that is a fire alarm!”

Gilmore Hall RA Carmie Carpenter (‘25) described evacuating her residents as she stated, “It was very stressful! Some girls were running around hallways while others were taking showers and it was my job to get everyone to safety. We hadn’t even practiced our bi-annual fire drill yet!”

Officers have attributed the fire to lint build-up in one of the Gilmore dryer machines. However, conversation has sparked throughout campus ever since the incident with questions surrounding what really went down. Was this lint purposely planted?

Due to the high inflation rates plaguing the nation, Hope College has had to raise prices similar to stores around the economic market. One such of these price increases implemented this year was the rise in the cost of laundry from $1.50 to $2.00, costing a hefty $4.00 for washing and drying, which approximately accounts for $16.00 per month if doing one such load each week or $32.00 per month if doing this twice a week.

College students, already swimming in college debt, have expressed their frustrations with this change in different ways, such as meeting with Student Congress or commenting on Yik Yak. However, none have escalated to a fiery protest – the speculated accusation of the real reason for the Gilmore laundry fire.

“I know my roommate was angry with the price of laundry, but I never thought she would take it this far,” one Gilmore Hall student stated, who wishes to remain anonymous.

While the investigative forensic team has sought to recover and identify the prints associated with the scorched clothing, they have been unable at this time to match the source and find conclusive results.

This message has kindled passion in students around campus who have joined in on the fight. Specifically, students have been seen wearing clothes resembling those in shambles from the fire including torn denim, distressed fabric, and burnt holes.

As solidarity ignites across the student body, students wonder which dormitory will be next before the college responds and addresses the inflation price issues hitting too close to the home of Hope College students.

Laundry dryer sets clothes aflame (Credit: Reddit posted by u/Joans1)