PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Glass shattered, furniture disheveled, feathers, feathers everywhere! The ducks, geese, and ganders are gone! It seems that the taxidermied birds on display on the third floor of the Science Center have come alive! But were they ever really dead…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! WARNING! Outbreak on the loose! Male students at Hope College have been going bald at alarmingly rapid rates. Sources have no proven reason as to why but there has been some suspicious activity from Durfee. When questioned, the people…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Hope College’s 90th Nykerk took place on Saturday, Oct, 26th. Odd year took the win this year tying up the overall score to 45-45 wins. Both even and odd years have different traditions making them unique, but one thing…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! We’ve all seen it: The President’s House. The majestic structure that looms over campus, its windows glimmering with the promise of leadership, and maybe, just maybe, a glimpse of Mathew Scogin engaging in some light presidential duties. But what…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The Hope College Theater Department is full of surprises this semester, from the success of The Hijabis to the Shakespearean classic Much Ado About Nothing (which will be available in November 2024). But the biggest surprise of all comes…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! The lack of tables and chairs in Phelps has made it difficult to get every student seated for lunch and dinner. To combat this problem, the Hope administration has decided to purchase double-decker tables, chairs, and booth benches so…
PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! If you have recently walked through campus and wondered: why does it smell like that? Then you are not alone. Perhaps it is a change in the wind, or maybe the squirrels are finally initiating their chemical warfare plan…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! On Tuesday, Sept. 19, around noon, students may have heard the familiar sound of sirens floating across campus. If one was close enough they would have noticed that the trucks congregated around the Hope College Dow Center, three trucks to be…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! After weeks of arguments about who shall be the new Speaker of the House, Congress finally elected Mike Johnson, (R-LA). For his first course of action, he has decided to fix a very pressing issue, American geography. The bill swiftly passed…
*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)! Author: The Academy of Flavor Studies Students at Hope College know many things, but one thing that everyone knows and can agree upon is the significance and importance of Phelps’ new edition of Tractor Juice. The beloved drink option only has…