‘Pointless’ dance wows critics, audience

A well-known Hope College professor of dance took the campus by storm when a dance she had choreographed was performed for the first time for the public eye. Audience members flocked to the Knickerbocker Theatre on March 29 to witness the performance, and none were disappointed. “What an amazing performance! I was sobbing halfway through, and I saw many others doing the same by the end,” a faculty member stated. “I’ve never seen anything so beautiful,” one student reminisces. “It was like Jesus himself was up there too, dancing on the stage.” “I felt the utter grace of God, watching that performance,” a professor of philosophy observed. “I desperately want to know what could have inspired the choreographer to invent deft, delicate movements displaying such infinite gravitas and sensuality.” Everyone who attended the show is wondering the exact same thing. The Anchor had the amazing opportunity to interview the now-famous dance professor and ask her the questions that are burning in everyone’s minds. She had this to say: “What, inspiration? Nah, man. I made this up when I was trying to stretch out my butt muscles.”

Adoration continues to pour in and not just from the Holland community. This popular dance is drawing attention from the rest of the United States and beyond. The Grand Rapids Dance Society was reported to say, “This is truly the peak of modern contemporary dance as we know it. Hope College has done what no other college or university has dared to do.” The President of the New York School of Dance testified that “what is even more impressive than the passionate physicality of the movements is the stunning political and cultural revolution occurring within them. The radical ideas and perceptions of society that the choreographer expresses would have gotten her burned at the stake in 1600s England. Now, however, it has sparked a movement of amazing fervor, and I am interested to see where it will go.” The esteemed French dance critic Antoine du la Valois remarked, “The gyrations of the human body within this utter masterpiece caused a series of emotional gyrations in my own mind! I could not cut through the perplexity of this dance with a knife, and I most definitely would not want to. Watching this elusively jubilant celebration of radical progressivism sparked a deep awe and passionate appreciation. It was a truly heartfelt experience.

I shudder at the very remembrance of it.” The dance professor, upon hearing of the amount of praise she is receiving worldwide, grew somewhat stressed. She is recorded as saying: “No, you don’t understand, there’s nothing behind this dance. I really didn’t put any meaning in here,” to which critics replied: “What? We can’t hear you.” The dance has been nominated for three Oscars and a Tony, and next week the Hope choreographer embarks on her Pan-American tour for her TED talk, “What we can all do to spark genius, I guess,” where she will discuss the book she wrote about her experience. The world – and it seems, even God himself – is watching to see what this professor is going to do next.