‘Twas the Night ‘fore Halloweekend

Author: Aurelius Herfst

*Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

‘Twas the Night ‘fore Halloweekend, and all through Hope’s campus
All the students were planning the rampage ahead them
Some girls were on Amazon ordering last-minute dresses
In hopes the delivery would be just a bit faster

The Frat boys were filling the long waited kegs
While visions of beer bongs danced in their heads
The Cosmos in jerseys and fraters in caps
Were just revving up for the next drinking champ

When out in the Pinegrove arose such a clatter
students rushed from their dorms to see what was the matter
From the basement of Durfee and first-floor Van Vleck
Third floor of Dykstra and Cook Halls very best

Full moon shining bright on the pine grove’s soft grasses
Gave viewers the prowess to see what had happened.
But what, to the students, frightened eyes should appear?
But the admin, chaplains, and eight Campus lawmen

With purpose they stood, with glints in their eyes
And the students all knew they were doomed for their time
Aimed at house busts, shutdowns, and damning careers
they whistled and rallied and called to their peers

“To MAGIC and SPACE! IBZIA and IGLOO!
Down 13th and 14th, College and Lincoln too!
To the basements of frats and the fronts of their lawns
Halloween must be stopped, no matter what comes!”

As swiftly as parking disappears overnight
The faculty headed out, no end in sight
With heads hanging low and spirits in exhaust
The students shuffled back, their hopes near lost

But then, in a moment, there came a soft voice
from the grand red brick house, across from old Cook
Then out from the house, there arose a small shadow
With a posture so poised, and composure so mild

A dark navy suit and orange neon sneakers
With a large, bright ole’ grin and encouraging twinkle
Just one look from the man was all that they needed
For the students to know all their plans would be treated

With a wink and nod he took off toward his staff
Leaving dumbfounded students with no choice but to laugh
Through Moodle and Google and Microsoft teams
He called them all back from the arduous schemes

Off 13th and 14th, College and Lincoln
From Central to 16th, and down towards Devos-end
Called off by their boss, they sped with such quickness
Leaving Hope College Frat houses open for business

And oh how they flourished! The frat houses roared
Bright windows and lights and shouts of “one more”!
Witches, Wizards, and Pirates all raved
And reveled and hollered at the weekend being saved

But cross’ Hope’s Campus, unbeknown to them all
That same small ole’ shadow sat against the wall
Festivities in mind, he spoke with no spite
“Happy Halloweekend to all and to all a good fright”