“She knows”: Why we should never forget to thank Queen Bey 

PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

Hope College’s 90th Nykerk took place on Saturday, Oct, 26th. Odd year took the win this year tying up the overall score to 45-45 wins. Both even and odd years have different traditions making them unique, but one thing they have in common is their misfortune after Nykerk. 

Beyoncé is an American singer, songwriter, and businesswoman. You might also know her as Queen Bey, Sasha Fierce, Bee, Goddess, your worst nightmare, Mother, the human form of Aphrodite, Destiny’s child, Diva, and the most talented person in the entire world. These are just a few of the nicknames given to her by her devoted fans, known as the Beyhive. 

You may be wondering what Beyoncé has to do with the 90th Nykerk, and the answer is: she has everything to do with everything. Those who attended Nykerk know that each group participating wrote a formal thank you that was read before they performed. One very important person who wasn’t mentioned in any of the thank yous was the Queen Beyoncé. This is unacceptable because Beyoncé must be thanked for everything. Tiktokers such as user_12345 and bees.biggest_fan have stated, “This is not a woman to be messed with. All thanks should be properly given to mother Beyoncé either by word of mouth or by letter with a Times New Roman Font.” Since the sources gave such descriptive instructions on how to thank the Goddess Beyoncé, she has not shown mercy to the Nykerk participants for choosing not to give her their thanks. 

Many Nykerk participants interviewed asked to stay anonymous during these trying times. However, one wanted to share their horrible experiences following the competition. Strange things have been happening, all signs leading to diva Beyoncé. One odd year girl bravely shared her experiences, she stated, “I came back to my dorm after the competition, and all of a sudden the Chorus of the song Diva by Beyoncé started playing and I couldn’t find where it was coming from, I tore the dorm apart looking for the source but I couldn’t find anything. It played the whole night and I had to sleep on the floor outside of my dorm.” As you can see the Sasha Fierce bad juju is not one to be messed with. The other girls interviewed were too scared to share the details of what happened to them, but just know it was worse. Way worse. 

Let this be a lesson to all about to give thanks. Bad things happen when you forget to thank the most talented person in the world, Beyoncé. To all the Nykerk participants out there who have yet to experience any Beyoncé related punishments, there is still time to give thanks. She is listening and watching at all times. Stay safe everyone and stream her music if you know what’s best for you. 

(Featured image source: Wikimedia Commons)