Lemurgate: Rockie’s Disappearance 

PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

Beginning late March, sightings of a monkey-like, agile creature have been spotted on campus. Appearing in dorm rooms, Cook’s courtyard, and even in dorm showers, the animal’s presence has puzzled many. According to experts from the Illinois Zoo, the mysterious creature is a Lemuroidea– better known as a Lemur. 

Given the name “Rockie,” the Lemur was first spotted meandering around Cook Hall. Various onlookers observed his mannerisms, describing him as “frolicing with bliss” and “existing in harmony with the Hope Community.” 

“Something about seeing him just gives me hope,” one sophomore said. 

Despite his swift adjustment to the Holland habitat, his origin is unknown. 

“He just appeared one day,” one Cook resident said. “I thought he was a big squirrel, or perhaps the result of some squirrel-racoon cohabitating; I suspect an engineer had something to do with it.” 

The interviewee declined to elaborate on their accusation. 

Staff at Van Kley Museum denied responsibility for the primate, stating that their accommodations are not fit to house a monkey of that size. 

While most students took a liking to Rockie, his appearances stifled after the first week of his habitation at Hope. 

“One day, I just stopped seeing him,” Another Cook resident lamented. “It’s such a shame because, truly, that lemur was getting me through this last month.” 

The incident, coined “Lemurgate” united students across campus. A search party was organized via Yik Yak, and tens of students went out to look for Rockie. 

Days passed without another spotting, and students wondered if an accident may have occurred. 

“I think he’s dead,” one student said. “Or at least being held hostage and tortured.” This student, although asking to remain anonymous, did disclose that they were, in fact, an engineering major. 

An investigation is ongoing as to Rockie’s whereabouts. In the meantime, students are still speculating where he could have gone, who is responsible for his disappearance, and how he made his way to campus. 

“It’s just not the same now he’s gone,” a self-declared Rockie Fan Club member said. 

To celebrate his short visit to campus, Rockie appreciators have saved his photos and created fanart of their own. 

“He was a campus celebrity like no other,” A fan club member said. “I can’t believe we may never see him again.” 

The staff at Hope College continue to doubt that Rockie ever existed. 

“It’s obviously a hoax,” one executive said. “The pictures are edited, there is absolutely no lemur on campus.” 

Speculations that staff may be to blame for Rockie’s disappearance are circulating. New information is pending as the investigation continues.