Double Decker in Phelps (and it’s not the food!)

PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

The lack of tables and chairs in Phelps has made it difficult to get every student seated for lunch and dinner. To combat this problem, the Hope administration has decided to purchase double-decker tables, chairs, and booth benches so that every Hope student has a place to eat. These are revolutionary technologies, inspired by Warner Bros. Lego Movie (2014), made specially for the movie’s ten-year anniversary last February, that will solve all of the seating issues within our dining hall.

This long-awaited upgrade will no doubt make finding tables and chairs easier for all students, especially when Cook Dining Hall is closed for lunch when there are events at the hotel. The only negative aspect to this solution is that students and staff will now be eating with feet in their faces, but only if they are eating in the lower “bunk” of the tables and chairs. Despite this very small inconvenience, no Hope student will have to worry about looking for seating in Phelps, they will just need to keep their footing to avoid falling off the top “bunk.” As we await this fun, foot-filled upgrade to our beloved dining hall, we would be remiss to forget how we used to search every nook and cranny in Phelps for seating. Thank you to the administration for the new seating arrangements. We look forward to having additional seating for all Hope students.