2025 Commencement Speaker Announced: Taylor Swift is entering her ‘Roll Dutch’ Era! 

PARODY ADVISORY *Please note that this article is part of the Ranchor (the Anchor’s satirical edition)!

With graduation around the corner, campus has been buzzing with predictions on who this year’s commencement speaker will be. Well students, look no further – the Anchor is breaking the exclusive announcement. We are proud to announce that this year’s 2025 Hope College Commencement Speaker will be THE Taylor Swift!

After having wrapped up her record-breaking tour spanning two years, she mentioned that across all 149 shows among five continents, her most cherished show occurred in none other than the great state of Michigan! She felt compelled to give back to the state, and she is rumored to be close friends with Nicole Kidman, who recently filmed a movie all about the beauty of our little town of Holland, undoubtedly swaying her favorable decision. Taylor was honored when secret Swiftie fan, President Scogin, extended an invitation to speak, and, seemingly eager to give her remarks, stated upon her acceptance, “Can I just ‘Speak Now’?!” 

Thrilled by her acceptance, the College has even given her an honorary degree! That’s right Class of 2025, this means your classmates with Taylor Swift! 

And the news only keeps getting better as Taylor has even promised to perform a show! We wonder whether this will take place in the halls of Dimnent Chapel as the crowd size is likely to rival that of the College’s past performers, including Jordy Searcy and Hot Chelle Rae. While details of securing your tickets for the show remain unclear, an anonymous source has informed the Anchor that the ticket office is already working with Ticketmaster and the Registrar’s Office to make the process highly efficient and trustworthy. 

Hope College, get ready…Taylor Swift is entering her ‘Roll Dutch’ Era!