Patagonia opens store on Hope campus

#PATA-GUCCI HAS STUDENTS ADDICTED — This is the mountain view and bold lettering that all 3,300 Hope students crave to wear on their apparel. Buy it or throw away any chance at social success.(Patagonia)

Most anticipated overblown collaboration of the year

Hope College fashion trends are like no other school’s. Our western Michigan flare is endearing and vibrant. On campus, students are adorned in an array of brands and styles. However, there is one that seems to dominate: Patagonia. Because of the rolling mountain range here in Holland and the frequent backpacking and scaling of cliffs that students do on and around campus, Patagonia is a crucial part of the student wardrobe.

One of Hope’s own, Junior Jerry Shnider, wrote to the billion dollar company telling them of their devoted fans in Michigan. CEO and founder Yvon Chouinard surprisingly answered the plea for recognition with a proposal that exceeded expectation.

That’s right Hope: In fall of 2018, Patagonia will be building a storefront in the BSC! The plan is to construct space out of the program area in the BSC, because who even uses that area besides wannabe indie singers at coffee house. Chouinard has big plans for the project and is confident that our students alone will provide enough business to keep this new chain open for years to come. They will be offering the classics: that one fleece sweatshirt everyone has (but don’t worry there will be different colors so you can feel unique), that one backpack everyone has, and oh! How could we forget about the winter coats that start at just four hundred dollars? What a steal!

Hope students are starting to ask their parents for more money, so they can have full bank accounts for when the store opens its doors. Talk of excitement is buzzing around campus. Future Hope sophomore Cameron Snow says, “I don’t think I’ll bring many clothes with me to school next year. I’m thinking I can probably get by with waking up and walking to the BSC each morning to buy that day’s outfit! I think it’s going to be super practical for me!”

Not only are current students pleased, but high school seniors are factoring the addition into their college decisions! “I mean, I knew I wasn’t going to Calvin , so it was between Hope and Harvard. But now that there is a Patagonia store being built, I can count on Hope to let me feel self-fulfilled and righteous because of my brand-name clothes! I am going Dutch for sure!”

We asked Chouinard for a statement and he said the following: “I’m not really worried about advertising or business strategies. Hope students already funded half of my billion dollar net worth, so I am kind of just banking on their desperate need to wear the Patagonia logo on their chest.”

President Dennis Voskuil and Hope’s executive board have been meeting frequently since the decision to discuss the future of the HopePatagonia relationship. Dean Robert Frost says, “We want to make Patagonia a bigger part of Hope’s branding. We are discussing creating a uniform for our students. We hate when these young adults feel the need to compete with one another. We feel that taking away creativity and freedom of self-expression through clothing would really fix that competition. Together, we can convert all of West Michigan to our school and our style! HAHAHA! Just kidding. I’m totally kidding. That was a joke. Well, not the uniform part, but the conquering.”