*This is part of The Ranchor issue of The Anchor, which is a satire edition of our student newspaper. None of this article is meant to be taken as fact.*
By: Sam Witwicky
After receiving approval from the Senate Committee of Historical Landmarks in a unanimous vote, the memorial commemorating Donald J. Trump’s eight years of impeccable service to his country will begin construction in July. Following a highly anticipated two year anniversary rally that had originally been planned as a dual 4th of July/ DJT day celebration, the ground breaking ceremony of our nations newest national monument will begin roughly at 7 p.m. and will be followed by the greatest ever display of fireworks in the history of the 4th of July.
Although in the past, monuments to presidents have usu ally been built after their deaths, former president Trump’s offer to build the monument “under budget and ahead of schedule” was too lucrative of an offer for Senate Committee leaders to pass up on. In a statement from Senator Phil McCracken’s office, a Democrat from New Jersey, he told press core members that “the discussion surrounding former president Trump’s memo rial was very heated at first” due to the form of art that would be represented, but when “a large, wall like memorial was decided upon, everything began to fall into place.”
The memorial will be erected in a circular fashion surrounding the Washington monument. This will provide both additional security to the existing monument to our nation’s first president, George Washington, while at the same time memorializing the most important achievements of our 45th president, Donald J. Trump.
The Trump Monument Wall will be constructed out of cement and rebar on the outward facing side, to both protect the Washington monument and to serve as a symbol of the safety and security president Trump brought to the United States in only eight short years as president. The inner side of the monument wall will be made of only the finest marble, sourced from the same marble quarries that Leonardo Da Vinci and Michelangelo sourced material from during the Renaissance period in Europe.
The outer wall of the monument will be covered in a myriad of different Trump portraits, depictions of his heroic acts and striking images of American flags being clutched in the talons of bald eagles in order to permanently fix “America First” ideology into viewer’s eyes, minds and hearts. Not only will the outer portion of the monument serve as a memorial to Trump’s beliefs and policies, it will also invigorate onlooker’s with the fervor that accompanied future Trump voters in the fall of 2016, while he was battling both Hillary Clinton and the mainstream media for a chance to shape the country for the better.
On the inner side of the monument, there will be two semi circular portions; the first, be ginning on the west and forming a half moon crescent over the north of the Washington monument ending on its eastern side, will be a series of marble carvings depicting the 45th presidents struggle to push through ever important legislation and ideas that later turn out to be some of the most important ideas anyone has ever had in the history of the world. The southern half moon crescent will list, carved into marble, every single tweet made by the twitter ac count @realDonaldTrump be ginning in March of 2015 and continuing up until the current day, with updates made daily by trained artisans as they appear on twitter.
Skeptics argue that former president Trump’s time in the highest office of the United States has dulled his skills as a deal maker and real estate mag nate, but his supporters argue that those skills only become more refined with age. We will update readers as the year and a half long construction time line progresses, or you can check for yourself by looking at @realDonaldTrump twitter account.