Welcome to April, where our old pal Michigan proves that her weather is about as stable as a clown balancing on a ball, if the ball were over a pit of lava: so not very. We’ve always heard the old saying that “April showers bring May flowers,” but it’s April and most of us don’t care how many flowers there are going to be in May, we just want the sun shine back. And not that tricky sunshine that makes me think it’s going to be a beautiful day out and then suddenly gives way to clouds darker than a Stephen King novel.
But, lately I’ve realized some thing that I really think every body should know, and it’s the fact that there can actually be a ton of positive uses for rain. Here are some really useful ideas for positive benefits you can get from all of the rain going on out side.
Let’s be honest for a minute, running water costs a ton of money! Sure, many of the people that read this live at Hope College, which means that all of your running water usage is free regardless of what you do, but for every adult that gets their hands on this article, they know that water costs money. And, not only that, but PBS and random news about California draughts have taught me that using too much water can be bad for the environment. Besides some times getting home, turning on the shower, and actually getting in can be so much effort.
You know what’s easier than all that and way cheaper? Go ing outside. Do be aware that you can definitely be arrested for going outside naked, the way people usually shower, so don’t do that part. And, there’s no way to warm the water up, unless we keep destroying our environment and Global Warming spins out of control. But this is more about saving the environment, so don’t do that. Basically, go ing outside to stand in the rain is like taking a cold shower with your clothes on, and with a lot of people who can pretty easily see you. A foolproof plan and a great way to take advantage of the rain.
As a car wash:
Just like our bodies, every body’s car also gets dirty from time to time. In fact, your car is probably getting even dirtier than you are, unless you have a habit of running down dusty roads all the time. For the rest of how rain can be useful to you in a car wash form, see “Showering” above, but replace all the human words with the word “car.”
Watering your garden:
The first step is to go out and get some seeds. I don’t re ally care what kind of seeds you choose, it really doesn’t matter, but pick something that you re ally enjoy, and something that doesn’t grow into a tree, trees are hard. The next step is to get the equipment that you’ve seen old women on television use when they’re tending to a garden. You know, grab a hoe, maybe a rake, trowel (the tiny shovel thing), definitely a sunhat and anything else you can think of. Then, plant the seeds, and don’t worry, most packets of seeds have instructions on them of how to plant them, so follow that.
At this point, most of the attentive readers will realize that one major piece of gardening equipment was missing from what I told you to purchase: a watering can. That’s because, you won’t need a watering can. The sky is now your watering can. If it’s going to rain every day anyway, you might as well take advantage of that and use it to care for your plants or vegetables or whatever you choose.
Taking revenge on your roommate or housemate:
Let’s be honest, you’re probably a terrible person. But more honestly than that, you likely hang out with mostly terrible people. Here’s the best advice you’ll receive all week. When your housemate has done some thing that bothers you, whether it be using your shampoo, for getting to take out the trash or accidentally dying your dog bright orange, you need to immediately start your revenge. First, find them when they’re at their weakest, then push them outside when it’s raining. They’ll be soaking wet in no time and they’ll never touch your stuff again.
Taking revenge on an actual enemy:
For this one, see “Taking revenge on your roommate or housemate” but add in a rag and maybe some yelling so it’s more like waterboarding.
Cheesy and stupid romantic moments:
This one is for all the gentle men who have girlfriends, fiancées or wives. Chances are that your significant other is a big fan of romantic movies, both the serious and the comedic kind. Well, from somebody who’s been forced to watch a great deal of these movies in my life, here’s something that almost every single one of them has. I’ll set the scene. A fight between the couple erupts, escalating to the point that the woman runs out side when it’s raining. The man chases after her, aware that he’s made a mistake, catches up to her, grabs her and they kiss.
If your woman watches these movies, there’s a good chance that she finds these scenes in credibly romantic for some odd reason, and every woman wants some romance. So, what you need to do is reenact one of those scenes for her. Start a fight, get her to run outside in the rain then go fix it. Trust me, she’ll think the world of you when it’s over.
As a way to get out of going to class:
Are you somebody living in a dorm? Don’t read this. Are you out of college? Don’t read this. Are you a professor? Don’t read this. Now that only students are left, if you live a decent distance away from the campus and it’s pouring when you have class, tell your prof. you can’t come due to rain. They’ll understand.
Everybody might think the rain is a terrible thing, but really, as I’ve proven here today, there are an incredibly amount of fantastic uses for the rain that you should take advantage of as soon as possible. Go enjoy the crappy weather!